Tales of a New Mom -aka- The Mama Bat

Literally me this week It saddens me that I have not been able to keep up with this blog. My major honest mom excuse: "I'm not managing my mom life well."  There is SO much I want to say in this entry, so much on my mind and so much I don't even know will come out. I'm surprised I'm actually able to write this right now, but I tell you it is out of sheer exhaustion of my whole self to do so, so that I don't go completely nuts. I need to get stuff out.  I also was unable to keep up with my Honest New Mom video series on my Youtube channel. I made 11 videos, which is good but wanted to do more. At one point I got quite busy and said I'd settle for an even dozen and tell my viewers to catch up with me here instead. Ha! That never happened. Was a good plan though... So, it's 9:28 pm, Saturday night. Mr. Baby really did a number on me tonight. He fought sleep so much...SO much. It seems like every time his routine get's thrown off he has ...

      Whoever said being a stay at home mom is a full time job, is SO correct.       You are on 24-7 and though people always say, "Take a break!"        or tell you to get some rest, it's darn near impossible to do! I'd do anything for this face!      Yesterday was a particularly difficult day for Draygen. 6 months old, I am learning has its ups and downs. The Ups: New discoveries, better coordination, eating, sitting up, more laughing and talking to name a few. Downs: Teething, higher sensitivity to shots, fighting sleep, and overall just being a big cranky butt!  So yesterday I was at the hospital for an appointment for my mom. Draygen and I had a long wait and he began to grow weary and cranky. He is usually pretty laid back and well behaved out in public and spends a lot of time just being chill or sleeping in the stroller. Even though I let him get out and such, nothing was calming him or maki...

This is me and my emotions right now about this subject and as  silly or illogical as it may sound to anyone else.  I am hurt by other people and by my baby. First of all, I am not stupid. I realize my 5 month old son does not have the decision making skills in his brain to purposely seek out to hurt, manipulate or play favorites. I know this, I do.  I'm just having a really hard time lately with the fact that Draygen's new ability has been displayed upon everyone but me. In other words, he has learned to reach out to people that he wants, and he doesn't do that for me at all. He puts his arms out and get's excited when he sees his aunt and his daddy, and leans toward Grandma. I admit it's jealousy on my part...considering I'm the one who takes care of him the majority of the day and gets up with him at night. I feel like maybe I need to go away on my own for hours just to see if he likes me when I get back!

           My husband suggested that I blog or vlog about being honest with your spouse about what you need when it comes to raising your child. So did both. ( See vlog here ). Even though I have the majority of the time at home with our son, my husband and I are a team, working together to care for our little boy. I am with him all day until my husband gets home from work, then its daddy time. Ugo has a stressful job working with kids, so I totally understand his need to detox when he gets home. I try my best to give him his space and time alone for a little while before dropping baby in his lap but sometimes I'm just so tired and grateful that he's home that daddy doesn't always get his down time. On the other side of the coin, I'm not only with Draygen all day, but up with him at night as well. So I don't get a whole lot of down time myself.      The great thing about our marriage is that we talk. We communicate our needs to one ano...

     So...I haven't been keeping up with this blog lately because this Mamma Bat is tired! Baby boy has decided to change his sleep schedule, despite me getting him into a good bed time routine. Now he wakes up several times a night, very hungry, (growth spurt again I'm assuming) and does not want to go back to sleep in his bed. He wants to be held. He will stay asleep when held. Which is great, except for the fact that this tired body that is in much need of a professional full body massage, hurts. I can hold him for only so long before I lose feeling in my hands and arms. I have many nights of stiff neck and aching back, the battle wounds of motherhood.      Yesterday was a particularly trying day. I was very sleep deprived and on the verge of tears as I held my son, attempting to feed him without giving him a face full of formula, as my husband went off to work. Draygen did not want to return to sleepy land (mom did!). So I filled myself with coffee an...

By my last post, you may be thinking, "Gee does she enjoy being a mom at all?!" Yes, I do. There are so many good things that tip the scales for me when I'm feeling down and tired. I can't resist that little face, those cheeks, the little "o" shape he makes with his lips, those eyes, and that smile that melts my heart! Not to mention the little giggle and leg kicks. It's also so fun to watch Draygen discovering and learning. He's just now started grabbing things and holding onto them, (sometimes my hair, ouch!) and it's exciting to see him engaged in things.  It amazes me to watch him being in awe of the world around him. About ready to smile We take the bus a lot, and it used to be that the bus ride would put him to sleep and he'd sleep most of the time we are out, but the past few weeks he's been really awake and aware and he get's this funny wide eyed look like ''What's going on?!" Just seeing him laugh a...

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I suppose any new mom might say, "I love being a mom, I really do, I love my baby so much, but I need a break from him/her?!" or "I love being a mom but I'm so tired and frustrated!" or...any other number of phrases triggered by sleep deprivation and emotions. In this post I'm gonna get down to the nitty gritty, the truth, those thoughts and feelings that I have that aren't so great, that aren't so nice about motherhood. Maybe you've had them too but were just waiting to see if anyone else felt them before you admitted them out loud to yourself? Or maybe you are a perfect new mom who has never felt these things at all, but I highly doubt you being human if you don't. Frustrations Baby napping peacefully in his bed in the day but not at night Having to be the only one who gets up with baby at night Watching others sleeping while I'm up with baby  Others taking over when I don't need help and not available when I do! Baby se...

Proud Mamma Bat If you've come across my blog and by now you are wondering what the heck is a Mamma Bat? You could go look it up, or just sit back and listen to me explain. I consider myself "alternative" when it comes to my style and I identify with the goth subculture . Elitists may argue that I'm "not goth" because I don't dress goth 24-7 but that's a whole other can of worms. The point is I love goth style and everything creepy and spooky. Goth's who are new to subculture are often called "baby bats" so therefore being a goth like mom, I call myself a "mamma bat." I call Draygen my little beastie. My little Beastie A Skeleton outfit is of course a must for every Baby Bat!

DRAYGEN This is my little guy. He is 2 months old and he is truly my treasure. I honestly never thought I'd have a baby, let alone a little boy. My husband and I wanted a girl, had the name picked out long ago and always assumed we'd have a girl, but this little guy was like, "Nope! Look at me! I'm a boy!" And every ultra sound after that, he made sure we knew it. It was a little weird at first but we quickly got used to the idea and right away chose his name, since it's a spelling variation of what my husband originally wanted. He's such a sweet little guy and we adore him. He just started smiling and doing this little giggle thing and every time I see a smile from him it makes my day! His Birthday Draygen was born early. His due date was May 2, 2017 but because of my age and first time pregnancy the doctor wanted me to be induced. He was born on April 27, 2017 at 12:22 pm. Labor induction was painful and didn't work and after 38 hours, we o...

With my little man, Draygen Let's see...how to make a long story short? I am a 40 year old mom to this adorable little guy whom I never thought would be in my life, let alone my husband of 4 years (10 years known). I am beyond blessed by my boys. Draygen is happily asleep on Daddy As I said in my into, it's beyond me how I got here, to this place, with husband and child. I grew up pretty much friendless most of my life, shy, non-dateable, no social life, low self-esteem, (being overweight didn't help either) and generally what I defined myself as, someone who a "normal" life just wasn't in the cards for. Because of all this and my past timid personality I missed out a lot on life experiences when I was younger. I was too scared to do anything, or felt like I didn't deserve to. So I guess you can say I've always been a late bloomer, for lack of a better term, and so here I am having my first child at 40. There are so many things that ...

     I'm starting this blog on the couch (on my phone's note app, later typed up via laptop), while my two month old son is at the end of the couch sleeping on his little pillow, while my husband is snoring away in the bedroom. My sleep schedule is all kinds of messed up (Ha! What sleep?!) and those pounds I was so longing to shed after the baby was born are still here, a cushion for baby and what my husband affectionately calls, "Marshmellowy."       It wasn't supposed to be like this. I was supposed to be walking with the stroller, smiling away and working out at the apartment gym while baby snoozed away in the stroller. But this has not happened. Why? Because any mom will tell you her number one answer: "I'm too tired." We all have the best intentions for ourselves to get back in shape and gain our confidence back while enjoying our new baby but instead this becomes an unrealistic dream wrapped up in a child who is in constant need of you...