#momlifeproblems

   
My son's 2nd Birthday is quickly approaching. I can't believe I've almost survived a whole year of motherhood! It's been an interesting ride, I'll tell you that much.

Grab a cup of Coffee and Join me

     I know that I haven't done very well keeping up on this blog. There have been SO many times where I had great thoughts and ideas to share here, but life got in the way and I didn't have the time to take my laptop out and write. I regret those missed blogs but I'm here now. Today I want to talk about mom life in general. Mom life problems being the main focus. I love my little guy SO very much, but being mom does take it's toll. These last 5 1/2 months have been particularly hard for our family. We had a big move and financial strains and then to make matters worse my husband was laid off at the end of November. We've made do and God has provided, but things haven't been as easy or ideal as we'd like them to be. Lots of sacrifices, changes and a plummeting savings.  

     My husband being home has been a mixed blessing. Mostly positive because I have extra help and get to have my best friend around all the time. But at times I worry that I'm relying on him too much and that I'll forget how it was to take care of Draygen alone. I know I can do it, it's just a weird little fear in the back of my mind. Also I tend to be a control freak on certain things about how things are done and if they aren't done like I do them then I get frustrated and annoyed. I had my routines and ways with Draygen and other people entering into the situation, no matter how helpful they may be, it just throws everything out of whack. Another thing is that old saying, "too many cooks in the kitchen" When there are too many people trying to help raise a child and everyone has their own ways and ideas, it get's both frustrating and overwhelming. Frustrating for me as I clash with others or fold and let them do their thing with my son, and overwhelming for him because he has to learn what's ok with one person is not ok with Mommy. There are so many people coming at him that he's not sure about things and I feel he really get's overstimulated at times. My situation hasn't changed since I started this blog. We still live with my mom and sister, just the locations have changed. So it's a small apartment full of 5 people. 4 of those adults with different ideas on how to love and help out with this little guy. I just want what's best for him, to help him thrive and adopt good habits. If that means NO TV and NO Ipad toddler games for the day, then so be it. Mommy is the law! lol I'm not one of those screen time mom's meaning, I didn't do the whole, my child can't see a screen till he's 3 or whatever age its supposed to be. More power to those mom's who believe in that, but my little guy is not "damaged" because of his early exposure to screens. He is very intelligent for his age and surprises me every day!

    Lastly I wanted to talk about the mom life problems of losing myself.  As I said in the beginning of this blog series, I consider myself a mamabat. So my aesthetics and decor are important to me. Having to move has really put a cramp on that not to mention living with my family who does not share my enthusiasm for all that is creepy and spooky. I was literally informed that they didn't want my decor up in the new apartment. What can you do when living with others eh? As far as my personal aesthetics go, there are very few days when I wear makeup maybe once or twice a week, if that. Some days I just don't have the time, others am too tired to make the effort. I've also been trying to go back to working out regularly and I KNOW that it's great for my physical and mental health but I tend to get so tired, and so caught up in everyone else's business that I do not have the time or energy to do it. My weight goes up and down, and so does my self-esteem. I haven't been feeling very good about myself lately and that really get's to me. I start feeling stupid things like insecurity and jealousy. For example, my husband always jokes that he's fat, (which he isn't except for maybe a little belly) and when he says that he's fat, I get this really insecure feeling that subconsciously he's talking about me. Also, I found myself being slightly jealous of the mom upstairs because she looked really nice today. A couple days ago, she looked as tired and bedragled as I am but today her hair was nice and straightened and she just looked good. I had things pang of jealousy and sadness in me that felt bad because I don't feel good about myself right now. All of this is really very stupid, and I know it, but still those feelings remain. This is the reason why I am SO excited when I do get to go out or dress up or have a date night or day out alone or with a friend. These times are very rare for me, but when they happen, I try to enjoy them to the fullest.

               My husband and I had an actual date night
           last month (after not having one for 5 months)
             we celebrated our 6th anniversary. 

     I know and admit that I have my issues but I do know that loving God, my husband, my son and my family is #1. Unfortunately that sometimes comes with sacrificing loving myself. I have a lot to work on but I'm strong. So other mom's out there, if you are feeling exhausted, fed up, frustrated, blobby and blah, just know that you are definitely not alone!We are in this together, and by the love we have for our children we will survive.