So by the time you are a parent or maybe even while you are expecting, you have heard the term "sleep training" thrown around. If you look it up, you will find all kinds of advice on helping your baby to learn to fall asleep on his/her own, and the methods to do so. You'll probably also find a lot of arguments for and against sleep training. The first time I heard about it was from some friends who where sleep training their daughter. It sounded easy at first, establish a routine, read books and put baby to bed. I thought, yeah that's something we could try when the time comes and I back burner-ed it for the time being, only to forget about it when Draygen became of sleep training age. I go to Care Net to learn about child development from my mentor. We watch videos and one video we happened to watch (when my Husband attended the appointment with me) was on sleep training. Despite the fact that this video was incredibly dated, it did have some good advice on getting your baby to sleep. After watching it, my husband and I decided to give it a go. I guess you could say we went a little to gung ho on it (husband more than I) and it didn't exactly turn out well. Mostly it ended in having a lot of conversations about it. How I felt and how difficult it was to do this while living with other family members and on top of that, those family members getting involved and making it even worse. This made me feel that there was something off about it. The video we watched told us to not engage baby with touch or holding but to just pop your head in and tell them they are ok. I always felt mean and cruel even though I knew I was teaching good habits to my son. I felt like I was neglecting him or ignoring him and couldn't possibly see how this was going to be a positive experience for anyone. Regardless of the struggles and mistakes we might have made, it did start sticking a little. Draygen was staying asleep at night, which was one of our biggest issues. But then there was a couple of days he didn't feel well and wanted to be babied and cuddled, then we moved and everything just got thrown off.
After getting settled in the new place, I decided to give it another go. Unfortunately as a stay at home mom, I had to be the heavy on this one. I talked with my family (Mom and Sister) to let them know what I was doing and how it was gonna go and that I NEEDED to try this thing. I came up with a new plan and by George, it worked! I'm not saying it turned out easy but I found a way to customize sleep training. I realized that all those months of holding my little guy and singing him to sleep late at night were bonding moments. I look back at them fondly and the idea of sleep training seemed to rip the bedtime bonding out of the equation. Most sleep training routines tell you to do something similar to this:
- Establish a bedtime for your child
- Follow a bedtime routine, one that your child will anticipate
- Put baby down and explain it's bedtime and leave the room
- Give him/her 5 mins to "cry it out" then come back and check on them, reassuring them
- Give it another 5 mins and increase the time as so on until baby is quiet and falls asleep
This doesn't sound so bad right?
Here comes the honest part....
When you are reading about it it's one thing, but actually trying it is another. You are never prepared for the amount of crying that goes on during those 5 min intervals. Your baby will scream, cry and act like they are being torched or abandoned. Yes your heart will break a little, yes you will be tired and frustrated, yes you will feel guilty and confused. There are a lot of emotions involved with sleep training for both parents and baby, but in the long run, it is worth a shot. So after watching that video and trying it the first time, I was left feeling pretty bad about the whole experience, hence why I decided to come up with my own sleep training method, tailored to both me and my son and the routines we have already established. I have a good routine going with Draygen, approximate feeding times and story times, so I incorporated those into the above sleep training routine along with a little bonding, and bingo I had my own customized sleep training method! I had to learn the hard way, but I think maybe every parent does at times. I realized you don't have to be so rigid and follow a basic set of "rules" that leaves you feeling like a "bad parent." All you have to do is have or start some healthy routines for your baby before bedtime so they know what to expect and realized that bed time is coming, as well as bonding with them in whatever way you want. Mine is holding him close and singing to him. I know mostly all mom's probably do this, but for me its our special time. So here's what I do:
- Dinner around 7pm
- Bath (if it's a bath night)
- Books 4-5 stories
- Bottle as needed, if he ate well and doesn't need it then we wait
- Got into the room with his bad where it's dark, with just a sliver of light shining through (he's used to the dark and it helps him calm down)
- Sing 4-5 songs to get him sleepy and ready for bed, Pray together
- Put him down in bed and let him know it's time to sleep
- Leave for 5 mins and come back to reassure him, if needed
- Another 5 mins
- Then 8 mins
After following this routine for 3-4 days, Draygen began to get the idea and started to fall asleep within the first 3-5 mins of being put down, I was shocked! It was working, and I felt good about it and didn't feel like a mean mommy! We established positive routines for bedtime and still have the mother/son bonding while teaching him to fall asleep and be alone in bed. Don't worry, it's ok to be random at times and mix it up, as long as those things are familiar to your baby. For example there are about 5 Super Simple Bedtime Songs that we watch sometimes before bed, and that usually get's Draygen sleepy. As I said before, being an honest new mom...I will say, it's not easy but nothing worth it is and it will be worth if by the end of the week you discover your baby is falling asleep faster and staying asleep longer at night. So, sleep training, necessary? Not required but a great way to establish good sleeping habits, and help you get some extra z's. Evil? It may feel like it, but it's not. You are not being cruel by letting your baby cry a little while in their bed. If you feel that a little extra bonding time is needed then by all means customize your routine! Just keep remember that sleep training can be GOOD thing for your child as wall as for the parents.
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