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Where is the Joy?!.....This Mamma Bat Needs A Break



     Where is the joy of motherhood at 5:30 am when my 1 year old is wide awake and rearing to go? When he was just awake 2 hours ago, FOR 2 hours before going back to sleep. Where is the joy of motherhood when he's throwing fits because I know he's tired the next day and it's been 7 hours since he's slept? Where is the joy of motherhood when everything is a fit, every little thing that's taken away from him, even if I'm trying to help him? Where is the joy of motherhood when you are too tired after baby goes to sleep to give a crap or to even take care of yourself? Where is the joy of motherhood when every ounce of freedom is sucked away from you, when you finally sit down to blog, make a video, watch something, work on your art, or heck even take a nap. You start or even think about starting one of these tasks during nap time...and the cries begin. He's awake. He needs you. You do NOT get to do what you so desperately wanted to needed to do. Your life does not belong to you anymore. You are a slave to a little, demanding person.

     This is coming from a place of tiredness, whether or not I slept well or didn't, no sleep or rest is never enough anymore. My constant state of being is "tired." I love my little son, so very much. And it's wonderful to be his mama. But mama's need a break too. I do get breaks, but they are few and far between and only for a few hours. It also seems like the only way to get a break from mom life is to leave the house. I never get to just relax, at home, alone, ya know...just chill. There is always someone there. I'd like to have a "day off" just being home alone. That would be glorious! But that won't be for a while...if at all. It's been a while since I've just been able to take off and do my own thing, leaving Draygen at home with Daddy or Auntie and Grandma. I'm feeling the need to get away again...soon.

     The problem with being a parent is, other people, non-parents, or seasoned parents, not us new mom's, forget or lack the understanding that it's ok to want to have a break or a day off. They think that just because we decided to have a child that we have a life sentence with no yard time, no parole! Just because we are parents we can't have a break? I believe stay at home parents (I will refer to them as SAHM or SAHD from now on) have JUST as much right to a day off as working ones, or anyone else for that matter. Any repetitive task and especially one as demanding and important as raising a child, is a recipe for burn out. I know, that sounds absolutely terrible, it leaves a bitter taste in my mind, just thinking that, but despite that, it's the truth.


     The facts are, I love my son, I love being a mom more than I thought I would, I love being with him, he's my buddy and best friend next to my husband, I love making him smile and laugh, I love watching him discover and learn new things, I love how he entertains me, I love hearing him say, "mama" even if I am tired. I love my son. But in order to be the best I can for him I need a break. I know my limits. I know when I need to recharge my batteries. I look forward to seeing him when I get home. See...I'm not entirely a terrible mommy....lol.


     This week should be interesting though. My mother and sister (whom we live with) are out of state for a week. This gives my little family the opportunity to see what it feels like to be on our own. So far its quiet, and calmer, although, I still was a grouch this morning. Perhaps I'll update and let you all know how that goes. Until then, pray for a break for me!

 

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