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Mom life equals Sacrifice

This post will probably be a bit gripy, but hey...as always I'm being an honest new mom....


My little guy is 1 now!

     There have been so many days, so many moments when taking care of my son, where I said to myself, "I should blog this!" and did I get to? No, of course not, I'm too busy doing just that, taking care of my son!  I sacrifice or put off the things I want to do so that I can chase him around and be the best I can for him. Mom life is an amalgamation of so many feelings and emotions. It is rewarding, yes, but it is also exhausting, frustrating, silly, fun, amazing, magical and downright crazy! There are many more emotions but those are the main ones that come to mind. So Draygen is 1 now. He had his birthday April 27th and like any excited new mom, I gave him a special 1st Birthday party. My husband was puzzled by my enthusiasm for this but I said, "Hey, he only get's 1 first Birthday, we gotta make it special!" And it was. He was a little overwhelmed by all the people but then he got into it and was happy. By the end of the party he crashed on Daddy's shoulder.

     I love my boy with all my heart, I so do, but mom life is not easy. Being a mom is something I NEVER thought would happen to me. I never thought I'd experience all this and now I definitely have a new respect for it and for everything my mom went through with me and my sisters.  I am naturally a self-sacrificing person. I used to not think about it, but years of doing it has, I admit, has embittered me and I'm honestly tired of it. At this point the only one I am not pissed off about sacrificing for is my son. Sure I'm tired and grouchy when I have to, but I'm not angry or resentful toward him. There have been many times where I have chosen not to do something I needed or wanted to because I was trying to save face or keep the peace with someone else, or I just didn't want to deal with their attitude and knew they would treat me like dirt if I did things my way. This past weekend I had the opportunity to go to a ladies get together from my church. I was excited to go and fellowship with other women because I hadn't been able to attend since Draygen was born. In fact, I hadn't been to The Well (the name of the group) since I was 5 months pregnant! Well...some things transpired the day before with my family, miscommunications, anger, etc...you know how families are. So...to keep peace and to do something nice for my mom, I decided to not go to The Well.  Was I angry that I had to sacrifice my "me" time? Yes, I was. Angry, sad and tired of the self sacrifice. So much so that I had a bit of an anxiety attack. God worked it out though, and I was able to go, thanks to my mom changing her mind. 

     The reason for this example is the life you will have once you become a parent. The life of putting off yourself and your own wants/needs for your child. I suppose I should say that my life up till now has trained me for this moment. Perhaps that is true, but why did it have to feel so bad! Life is funny...when you are going through the hurting, you never know how it is an integral part of shaping you for the future. I'm sure there will be many, many more times where I will be stuck at home with my child, longing for the fun and freedom of my before mom life days. Yet, I will also be enjoying every moment that my son makes me smile and laugh and the fact that I get to be here to see him growing, and learning. That's something I would not trade for anything.

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