Full Time Mommy

     Whoever said being a stay at home mom is a full time job, is SO correct. 

     You are on 24-7 and though people always say, "Take a break!" 

      or tell you to get some rest, it's darn near impossible to do!

I'd do anything for this face!

     Yesterday was a particularly difficult day for Draygen. 6 months old, I am learning has its ups and downs. The Ups: New discoveries, better coordination, eating, sitting up, more laughing and talking to name a few. Downs: Teething, higher sensitivity to shots, fighting sleep, and overall just being a big cranky butt!  So yesterday I was at the hospital for an appointment for my mom. Draygen and I had a long wait and he began to grow weary and cranky. He is usually pretty laid back and well behaved out in public and spends a lot of time just being chill or sleeping in the stroller. Even though I let him get out and such, nothing was calming him or making him happy. He screamed so loud in the lobby, louder than he ever has in public, that I had to take him outdoors. Took whole lot of strolling, de-stimulation, singing and bottle to calm him down to finally sleep. That night was another story.

      I soon figured out that it was teething again. At home he was so happy sitting up and gnawing on cold teethers but that didn't last long before what I knew was him being tired happened, but it wasn't a simple drop off to sleep, not, at, all. All night we passed him around. Me, my sister, grandma and my husband. Every time we tried to put him in bed, he'd scream and cry, but went right back to sleep when picked up again. He just wanted to be held, cuddled, to be close to someone. I can't blame him, he was feeling miserable, but after a while I was getting very tired, my husband and I took turns. This was the first time I co-slept with Draygen at night, he wanted to be cuddled up close to me, so I let him, and it was safe because it was just us in the bed and I was aware of his presence and didn't change positions. We probably slept for a good 2 hours before he started bawling again. Daddy tried, to no avail and decided that we should just let him cry in his bed and go to be ourselves. Well, this wasn't going to work for me considering Draygen's bed is right next to ours. I can't sleep through him crying, he's loud! Plus I'd go all "mommy" and want to comfort him, even if I was sore and tired from holding him all night. Needless to say, it was a restless night for us and yet, ironically Draygen got the most sleep, as long as he was next to or on someone. So of course he wakes up at 6:47. Almost 14 minutes shy of when I had to get up anyway to get ready for his 6 month check up. *sighs* Husband was supposed to come but, I let him sleep. I didn't get much rest but like I said, Mommy's gotta be on 24-7.

     So why did I tell you this story? To show you that even in your most tired moments, you don't get to "take a break" you don't get to rest, because baby needs you, constantly. You are mommy, sure there's Daddy and other family members, they're great but mommy is the one who sacrifices and drops everything to take care of her baby. Why do this thankless job? Because we love them, they drive us nuts and sleep deprive us, but we love them with all our hearts. I admit though that I get tired and jealous that everyone else get's their "down time" whilst I'm slaving away for a miniature boss. And yet I struggle with a lot of guilt, silly guilt because as much as I want that break, that rest and down time, when I do get it, I feel incredibly guilty for not taking care of Draygen, for letting someone else take the reins for a while. I feel like....I'm doing something wrong. Does that make sense or does that sound crazy?

    Again, I love my baby son with all my heart but being a new mom, a stay at home mom, has really shed some light on why there are those people who want to either stay single or couples who never want to have children. I get it now. Your life changes drastically. And it will never be the same again. All things you once did and enjoyed are now back burnered and your child is riding shotgun with you and probably will be for quite number of years. *sigh* I never thought I'd be a mom, but despite everything, I am so blessed and grateful have this experience.